A Dialogue With K

Originally uploaded by: KnOizKi

I’m still here, typing away from my desk. My precious getaway was due to the fact that I’ve been coping with stress. Stress from fixing my laptop. First there was nothing wrong with the machine but some problem just had to occur so instantly until one day, Surprise! Surprise!, it has been out of order.

The computer still worked, but the problem was with the screen, it turned all black in which I had no idea. Since I didn’t want to have brokedown computer deja vu, I specifically checked with IBM, although this model is only 10 months old, I have a 2 year warranty just in case such incident occurred. I was assured that IBM would give me free service and I wouldn’t want to be charged for anything. IBM would help me fix it, I still need to bring the machine for maintenance in a week and I didn’t want that to happen. I was worried where & how would I be blogging?

The problem started a few days ago. I was so bored at that time playing around with the functionality in the Control Panel. When I have nothing else to do, I normally stare at the screen just to fill the gap of my time. I repeatedly play the tiny optical mouse across the desktop then right-click then click properties, then out of the blue, it blacks out and tiny icons started to appear vividly in the background. I have no clue of what to do.

My first laptop is broken? Can I fix it? Not sure. Well I’m a real tapper. I would pretty much find out how to fix it no matter how hard it is to read the text in a black image background. Imagine the agony if you were caught by sudden brownouts in the middle of the road, it would make you scream like a lunatic.

So it was like playing PacMan in Wagga Wagga mode without getting a single score. Since, I didn’t have much time spending on video games as I’d like to, I find screensavers, image display, or XP Window themes much more fascinating than Yahoo’s toki toki boom. So I started clicking on the ‘properties’ again and again. Usually, I’d be very angry or sleep it over. But hell no, I was feeling extra patient until the screen turned seriously dead. I started to panic in circles, yelled at myself, kicked the desk & feeling misearably pissed and stood up in silence murmuring to myself about what I did. It took me few silly hours as I picture myself backwards, from the ‘right-clicking’ to the ‘properties’ with my eyes closed desperately wanting to fix the damn thing. I failed, few thousand times, pretty hard to determine where the fault is.

But I digress. I actually made progress with my juggling. I stayed calm, glugging tons of water helps and again, puffing the magic stick to getting rid of feeling pissed. So it’s all true, we should have learned from the saying that goes ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. I felt hopeless for not fixing it. It literally occurred to me it’s about time that I leave the house. The first thing that comes in mind is to visit a free internet cafe. I know the newly opened shop is the best alternative. I supposed my twenty bucks I kept in the wallet could have saved my blog-craving all the way to a public computer. See, I had never done this at all, even for just a couple of clicks. I always feel unsafe in public computer. Meanwhile, there I was, ordered an ice latte’ in the new red comfy furnitures at Spring Garden Lane’s Pacific Coffee.

As I sat there wearing my big freaking smile grabbing an empty table near the glass window, I thought it was cool to see people passes by, in such a show off manner, you know. I collected few magazines just in case I want to sit back in a couch afterwards. I’d rather be spending the entire day in a red sofa than being involved removing the 4 screws that held the frame around the screen of my laptop and screwed it all up. It’s not even worth trying!

I placed my latte infront of the monitor and slowly clicking the mouse while I sip my super cold latte’. No smoking freedom inside the cafe so I thought finally, I had reason to be there, to quit the smoking for few hours. But as soon as I touched the keyboard, however a big notice card that sits infront of the screen flashed before me, an OUT OF SERVICE signage written in the screen like a stupid screensaver. I was like, this freaking shop just recently opened and I was getting this treatment? I didn’t complaint since it was my fault for not reading the sign. Besides I’ve already embarrassed myself in the public, I hope no one saw me how excited I am as I ran towards that fooking table.

So frustrated. I felt the entire universe was all laughing at me. I was all red like that of the red couch. It was a beautiful afternoon but it was as if dragging me more at an end. I thought I got it all worked out. The queue was so pathetic, people in those terminals just couldn’t care less to look around that few of us were desperately wanting a fooking computer. My latte’ was dripping since the ice started melting, I suddenly feel irritated waiting like a fool. One ugly dude in dirty backpack was trying to check his email in a slow fooking motion, his coffee was already empty. And there was this chubby lady who thinks someone was watching her type a love letter to someone. Like who cares? It’s a public internet, what were they thinking? I couldn’t wait - and I wish the timer beeps so fast so I could jump right off and give those people my WTF face. But guess what, the beeper was also out of order. GAWD! I can see myself crying in pain from across the table. I read few books in the corner, few rap times but I was really feeling like I need to leave even if the place looks really like a little library-sh. Somehow I could almost see my life right there in a red couch becoming more older than I’ve ever been.

So I didn’t get the chance to use one of the terminals. It was around three in the afternoon and wondered where those people come from? Perhaps we all have the same reason to be there. We probably have all something in common. That is, a broken computer in the house.

I went back home decided to bring my laptop to the nearest PC repair shop since IBM could give me a hard time dialing the right number. I hate from the fact that dialing a simple number could give you a heart attack from listening to some stupid instructions pressing 1 for english, 2 for chinese and so on. The tiny shop fixes broken laptops and all the shits. I find a woman sitting inside in a terrifying make up wearing a strong perfume, God knows what, that smells like as if she could kill a roach in a minute. I bothered to ask how much the repair cost then I explained the problem. I was asked to pay right away. Since I was with my desperate level of consciousness of getting it fixed ASAP, she then ripped off a $250 cash in my EPS. I thought the fee would cover everything. Wrong. And Yes, I paid her just for the checking and whatever comes out, I’d put the blame on me. I think a costumer would be feeling the trust in there somewhere since the shop has this big frame of Excellence in Computer Repair, I’d say yes right instantly. I swear I easily get fooled many times like this.

At the end, she couldn’t find the problem. And I couldn’t get the refund anyways so I left the shop even if she was still talking. The moment I step my foot off the shop, I overheard her saying “but the fee is for checking the problem”. To which I turned back and replied, “what kind of checking? I didn’t see your tech-guy is seriously checking on it for almost 3 freaking hours?”

I went down to the lower floor and found another shop. The geeky looking dude was so friendly which he even let me explains the real problem. He forced me to leave it for few days so they can check the machine carefully. He managed to find the problem though it was not really serious. He said that the screen blackout was caused by a virus or somebody must have hacked my system. I recalled that few times before, I’d attempt in connecting to a WiFi-LAN connections at my building and since I suspect it was the low signal from few open wireless source, I thought maybe it was just a distant coincidence. I have always let my firewalls on and I didn’t think someone could actually erased everything in my laptop and make it turned to black? And again, he told me I have to pay $300 for the repair. I can’t help but think he took the easy way out, to leave my laptop and charged me right away. What if he can’t fix it? He even said that it would be easier to just erased the whole program and reinstall the whole XP software. That would account for the worse to happen if he removes the hard disk and re-configure the program entirely because the screen was not working? Such a scam! I left the shop and completely convinced the problem was nothing but a wrong clicked. I know I can fix it myself.

I spent my entire day thinking and had gone back to the right-clicking, I’ve seen improvements. It started to bounce back silently. In particular, I’ve got nothing else left except that I should keep it cool by doing nothing. It has been so liberating that there were extra things to do in my flat. I do not wish to end my blogging in the aerie but it’s just that I have to take care of something else. I have not done many things ideally so in the absence, I was so busy out of the box and trying to think of other way to re-schedule my blogging habit. Blogging at work was not my cup of coffee since it would prematurely take my time from doing less of my job than blogging or I’d find myself in a rubbish bin.

Then again, the laptop sits quietly in the dark. I’ve been watching Food Cooking & Lifestyle and tell me, watching these is simply a divine inspiration. I thought about cooking seriously and I will be much proud if I can cook my first meal than screwing my laptop until I find time to seriously fix it back. Come what may. Another problem has occurred recently afterwards when I find my connections was dead. My subscription to the internet has been suspended. WTF’s happening? That moment on, I finally fixed the screen. From right-clicking it too much, I hit the right hole. The screen came back to life, thanks God it is now working. Just yesterday, I finally paid my overdue for my internet and the reason it was suspended was because, the damn credit card has exceeded its limit. I was begging like a sick puppy to have the connections before everything in my flat goes coocoo. Whatelse is next? But you know, I never really thought of it as a bad luck. Patience is really such a virtue, afterall.

I’ve been reading here and there then started cleaning and organizing my files to a minimum look. I’ve downloaded the new IE Beta version and now the XP theme looks great. I sure have lots of files stored in temp files. I can’t believe it was all filed from too much surfing. I have become unattached with everyone, including you here. I feel I have neglected my studies in the University of Blog. My friends have been thinking that I avoid their phonecalls because I’ve been busy with my sex life in the toilet. Funny when I said to them, I’m retiring from the big crowds of hypocrites, sharing the time with alcohol without pity. It becomes so redundant.

However, I remember I said that I will be spending an entire month for social lifestyle, a simple quest to quit smoking, drink more water & do take a rest, and be away from the internet. I did for a week. I felt so different but I surely missed all of you. Everytime I wake up, I’d tell myself, “I’ll quit”. I don’t know what I meant by that, but I know there’s always time for being active in blogging, there are other times that I need to set aside ‘traffics’ but not totally crapping out the friends I’ve met thru this blogging. It becomes like a reality that I actually socialize with people that I haven’t really met.

Somewhere under my loft, I see a tiny screen, it’s like my little Ginger waiting for a hug, like whispering to my little ears saying, “touch my keys, stare at my monitor, hold my mouse”. Few days is not so long to be away, well I’m not away - I’m just keeping my promise, to be absent without leave. I was not even on a hiatus, I don’t even call it that way. I still read - I do, whenever I had the time to peek-a-boo at the office PC, clicking through your lives.

I’ve realized I can’t be quiet, reflecting my other self is about writing it off. Since being productive is not about giving up all the things you feel comfortable of doing, it is when you think you can fix something because it ain’t broke, fix it because you can do it.

I guess, I’m back, once again.

My Apology
by: Floetry